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Certificate Of Big, Fat Shame

See that “Congratulations” certificate right there? Look close at who it’s made out to… Me, circa 2009. That’s a certificate of lard-packing shame! Total proof that on October 16, 2009 I slammed 41g of greasy fat, 1490 mg of sodium and 69g of crappy carbs into my mouth and down my throat to win a burger eating contest (and a T-shirt!) sponsored by Fatburger at a media conference I attended. While some bodybuilders slam 800+ calories and call it a snack, that October day in Las Vegas marked the beginning of a slide off my dedicated bandwagon back to Moobland USA– before, happily, turning it back around 10 months later. Still, 10 months later the damage was done– I’d gained 20 lbs. back and had to start from a virtual square one.

I laugh at it now (and laughed at it then) because the sheer gluttony of it (and the fact I won the contest) is kind of funny. The bloated, sick and overstuffed feeling afterward? Not so much. Did that promotional burger binge fatten me up right then and there? Nope– it was just one burger and compared to the rest of its ilk at that size, relatively tame on the crap food scale–… but where I thought I “pwnd” that Fatburger, it “pwnd” me big-time as it started a chain of justification events that lead to my gaining back 20 lbs. I’d busted butt to lose so many months earlier.

This certificate is also a reminder nutritional change isn’t a 90 day adventure– it’s a lifestyle change for the better.

So, as I cleaned out my closet today, this certificate was a funny piece of historical commentary on the habitual crapfest I used to call a diet back in 2009. One I now refuse to habitually return to and one I wanted “immortalized” before I threw it out with my size 36 pants and XL shirts (and as you can tell and my Lady-Friend will sadly tell you, I don’t clean my closet too often).

Done and done!

4 Comments : Leave a Reply

  1. James Garr says:

    Ha! At least you don’t still have the extra 20 pounds.

  2. Jim says:

    My arteries clogged just looking at the picture.

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